Separation Anxiety?

Every day with my son is a brand new learning curve. I know only too well that each and every child is so different, even those with the same parents. In this case, especially those with the same parents. My two are like chalk and cheese and there is hardly ever a time where I can, hand on heart, say: oh yes, his sister was just like that.

The big one never really suffered with separation anxiety, whilst the toddler has it bad. Since returning from Florida, his little world has turned upside down and everything he once knew to be constant is not so much anymore. In his eyes, anyway. We went away with several other family members and I guess we didn’t really anticipate how much it would affect him. Looking at it through his eyes, one day he was living in a big house with a pool and lots of people to play with, the next they are all gone and he has a new set of people to get used to at a new nursery. The result is this: lots of screaming, lots of tantrums, lots of hitting and lots of clinginess to daddy.

That’s the other part of my son’s separation anxiety. He is struggling to understand why daddy isn’t here to play all the time like he was on holiday. As soon as my husband gets home from work, the toddler becomes a bit of a demon child and the tantrums begin. My poor husband only sees this side of him from day to day. And don’t even talk about weekends. It’s such an awful feeling to get to bedtime and realise you have waited all day for that time.

Oh yes, and sleeping. It’s not good. He is waking in the night screaming “Daddy gone!” and I can tell you now, it isn’t easy to calm him down. He also isn’t sleeping at nursery so the tantrums are becoming a lot more frequent, as is the unsettled sleep at night. The whole thing is a bit of a circle of frustration to be honest.

Where did my confident boy go? Is this just an age thing? I know that there are a lot of changes happening for him at the moment and this only intensifies the guilt. What will his reaction be when the baby is here? How does one prepare a 22 month old for  a new sibling? I don’t even know how to get him to understand that I am coming back for him each day I wrestle his little fingers from my arms in the mornings I have to work.

I know I am not alone with the terrible twos phase (thank goodness for weekly catch ups with @Minty_b!) but I really wish someone would come and wave a magic wand for me here!


10 responses to “Separation Anxiety?

  • The Boy and Me (@TheBoyandMe)

    He’s a similar age to The Boy isn’t he? I’ve noticed that he is shouting out for us in the night, “no daddy/mummy! Don’t go! Come back!” Maybe it’s a phase thing?

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  • The Mad House

    I feel your pain. MIni has suffered terribly since I had my mastectomy. When I got sepsis I was in hospital for a month and he was two and he became my limpet and in some ways he still is.

    He still misses me at school (he is 5), he still comes in to my bed at night (he is so adept at is that we can not tell) and still wants me all the time when he is with me.

    I just focus on the fact that you do not see 17 year old lads doing this.

    • ghostwritermummy

      You’r right, of course. I just wish that we didn’t have to go through the whoe screaming and clinging phase every time I leave for work. Also, the daddy thing is driving u mad- most overused word in the house! I can understand your situation though, when a parent is absent from home it must be so difficult for kids to understand. Thing is, we haven’t gone anywhere!

  • Midlife Singlemum

    It’s the most upsetting thing when they’re just that bit too young for you to explain to them that everything is fine. I don’t have any advice but I do feel for you. xxx

  • NotMyYearOff

    Poor thing. And poor you! Hope it passes quickly and he’s settled again both at night and at nursery.

  • Bod for tea

    DD went through a terrible phase of this when she was a bit younger. She still loses it whenever I’m out of her eye line at playgroups. Sorry to hear you’re going through some difficult times at the moment 😦

  • Alma

    I wonder if it has anything to do with gender. The reason I say this is, like you, I now have 2 kids, 1 girl and 1 boy, and can also safely say that they are like chalk and cheese, and could never compare the 2 at the same age. My boy is also highly emotional with his tantrums, is clingy and until now at the age of 3 & 1/2 wakes up in the middle of the night wanting reassurance. It was AGONY when we put him in his cot (which was still in our room!!) at the age of 4 months and slowly moved him into his own room. His night wakings haven’t ceased since. My daughter however, who unfortunately had to go into her own cot and room by the time she was 3 months old (the in-laws were visiting and some re-arranging had to be done to accommodate them) didn’t put up a fuss. She was happy in bed with me, happy in the moses basket next to me, and then happy in her own cot on her own, all night, even the first night. She is just that much more chilled out than my son. But I have heard from many other mothers that their boys were far more emotional than their girls. So, I do wonder if gender has something to do with it – the ability to communicate/manage your emotions might be harder for boys than for girls, because that’s just the way we’re wired as human beings?? Of course, I might just talking out of my arse 😉

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