The Guilt of Mothers

When I became a mother almost seven years ago, I learnt all about a mother’s guilt very quickly. It’s like a nagging, clawing sensation deep inside that just doesn’t let up.

When I became pregnant with the toddler, the guilt intensified.

To my girl, I am so sorry that I have turned your world upside down. I am so sorry that you are going to have to share your parents and your toys and your time. I am so sorry that I won’t be there for you as much as I was…

Now I am pregnant again and the mother’s guilt is working over time.

The toddler is so young. The Big One is so young. Time is stretched already.

When I look at the kids’s faces, they are my world. How can another fit into that world without tears and upset? How can I be doing this to them? How will I find time to teach the toddler everything that I taught the big one? How do I explain to him that he won’t be the baby anymore?

The thing about the guilt of mothers is that is has no reason, no common sense.

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8 responses to “The Guilt of Mothers

  • alysonsblog

    no and knowing that is half the battle. Im sorry to say it never leaves you just learn to tell it to be quiet. You will do it and do it well too, my mum says that with more children a mother just opens her heart that bit wider. Your children are blessed to be part of a big family, they will be friends and allies, comforters and it will be them against the world, its an amazing dynamic 3 – sit back and watch the magic happen

  • Midlife Singlemum

    I only have one and I feel guilty – that she will be an only child, that she doesn’t have a father, that I won’t be able ot give her everything I had as a child, that I don’t sit on the floor and do puzzles with her enough, that I gave her microwaved sausages and crisps for supper las night, that I give in to far too many sweets, …the list can be endless. I wonder why we are programmed to be so dissatisfied with our performance as mothers?

    • MummyAngie

      The guilt of a mother – I don’t think its how many children you have or the ages of them; its the constant battle of being a mother and that guilt and question you have all the time about every decision, action or what you do or don’t do. I too wonder why we are dissatisfied at our performance as mothers and why we feel this way? Did our parents feel the same way?

  • CherrySue

    Alyson is dead right, your heart expands and time stretches naturally. I’m a single Mam to two teenage boys but also work full time and have just finished my BA.

    Guilt is a constant companion but so is pride and genuine satisfaction. Life is tough, for everyone and it’s a cruel trick to play on busy Mums to also ingrain guilt into their psyche. But life is also magical and rewarding, especially so for Mammys.

    You’re doing your best and that’s all anyone could ever ask from anyone. Your little ‘uns will recognise that and love you all the more for it.

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  • Peggy

    It reminds me of the state I was in when I was expecting V. I felt so guilty for E and even though this was a very much wanted pregnancy I still felt like a terrible mum for “betraying” my eldest boy who was only 16mths when his brother was born. Not an easy task, that’s for sure, but as someone told me love doesn’t divide in the number of kids instead it multiplies. It will be all good in the end 🙂

  • waterbirthplease

    Your heart just expands and makes a bit more room. There’s plenty of love to go round in the Ghostwritermummy household! the small one will probably LOVE being the big man, and the big one? Something tells me she’ll suprise you. xxx

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