I discovered today that my daughter thinks all babies are born via c-section and that all mums are supposed to stay in hospital hooked up to drips and wires, only to be released to a month’s driving ban. I discovered this after her friend’s mum gave birth to her son yesterday and when I picked the big one up this afternoon, she excitedly told me that her friend had not been at school today.
‘She’s probably having a day at home with her little brother,’ I told her.
‘You mean at the hospital!’ the big one exclaimed. ‘All mummies stay for ages at the hospital.’
The conversation went a little downhill as I explained that some mums can go home straight away when they’ve had a baby. The big one was horrified at the thought of mums wandering around Asda with bleeding stomachs… Until I reminded her that not all babies are born that way.
We had this conversation when I was pregnant and hoping for a natural delivery. When I told her how babies were born, she responded with
‘You’re joking me!’
and it seems she really did think I was kidding. I am not.
The big one concluded that newborn babies are the size of squinkies and that as soon as they are exposed to the air, they grow to a more reasonable human size. She has also concluded that she will not have a baby this way. She wants that stork from Dumbo to bring her baby in with a lollipop. Wouldn’t that be nice?