I’m not just talking spiders or dogs here. Yes, dogs. Dogs scare me. I’ve been known to cross the road if one is coming towards me, although I AM getting better, honestly. These days, real things scare me.
Things like getting old and realising my children are all grown up before I had chance to play with them properly. Realising they left home while I was busy planning a literacy unit. Waking up on a weekend to find that my kids want a lie in and I want to go out splashing in puddles- then realising I never noticed the time slip away.
I’m scared about my kids growing up and realising that I’m not supermum, because once I WAS the most important person in their lives… aside from daddy of course. What happens when the big one wants someone else to hold her hair back when she’s sick? Or the baby prefers to listen to loud music over my renditions of row row your boat?
I’m scared that the ‘baby times’ really won’t last forever and I may look back to see that I spent those times feeling a little lost.
I’m scared that I won’t be able to juggle everything and one day all my plates will stop spinning. I want these years to last forever, or at least I want to be able to enjoy them, remember them and look back on them with a smile on my face, knowing that I made the most of them.
I posted a couple of weeks ago about this dilemma- wondering whether I should go back to work full time after my one year secondment part time. I’ve decided the thing I am most scared of is waking up one day with a good job, money in the bank and times having passed me by. Thing is, I can’t stay where I am and so I have to decide what step to take next. Where will my life take me next?