A whole year has gone by…

Today would’ve been the baby’s birthday, had the hospital not changed their mind about my lovely, calm planned section. If they’d listened and understood so much of last year would’ve been so different.

But would I be the person I am now? I truly believe that the things you go through only serve to make you stronger. I keep thinking of the hug my mum gave me two days after he was born, on the landing outside the bathroom as I cried like my heart was breaking. She told me I would get through this and I didn’t think I would- but I did. I am. 

What makes a person able to go right to the brink of all that is precious, stare over the edge of life and come back again, unscathed? What helps a person to forget the darkness they’ve glimpsed and the terror of a life that was nearly placed before them? How does a person move on through the days when they’ve seen a glimpse of a different world, a world that was meant for them, if only for a brief moment or two? I know.

My baby. When he smiles, when he laughs, when he cries, when he kisses me, when he clings to my leg, when he reaches up to be held… when his chest moves gently with every breath he takes and I know that he’s here. After all, what happened that day happened for a reason, hospital errors or not. It happened so that I could be the person I am today.


12 responses to “A whole year has gone by…

  • jaynecrammond

    Beautifully written, as usual, and really inspirational. This is why you’re such a valuable part of Maternity Matters, because you know how it feels, and you know what it is to survive.


  • Honest Mum

    Very moving. You are extremely brave. Thanks for sharing this.

  • Beadzoid

    Honest and emotional as always. Your writing is getting so good now – you’ve really hit your stride. You’ve had and are having a rough trot, but you’re a strong woman. You will get through this.

    Incidentally, I read all your posts but don’t always comment as I read them on email subscription on my iPod, which makes it difficult to comment and probably doesn’t add to your viewing stats.

    Jayne is right, you are inspirational and you have a real talent for writing xX

  • Alyson

    So true and so eloquently written, we get through it by consistently moving forward, even though some days it doesn’t feel like it, we just keep treading on, and those little ones sure know how to keep us distracted till the pain lessens

  • theboyandme

    Oh, tears again. You poor poor thing. It must have been a completely heart-breaking time for you, but you did get through it and still are working your way up to the surface. Keep going chick, you are an excellent and caring mother.

    Thank you so much for linking up on ShowOff ShowCase.

  • eviegracesmummy

    Thank you for writing this. Its coming up to 2 years since my Baby boy arrived too early and left us too soon. He is Evie’s guardian angel and I know that Evie and I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him. However some days I just can’t cope and need to cry, crying can be good. How can you know someone when they never got to talk to you? How can you miss someone you never got to meet? Its a bloody hard experience to go through but you are not alone sadly there are so many of us missing our babies every day and we need to talk about it to prevent more. I am a proud Mummy of 2 sadly I only cuddle one to sleep. Thinking of you XxxxxxxX

  • eviegracesmummy

    So sorry have posted a comment meant for another blog!! AHHH can’t multitask to save my life! So sorry feel free to delete! Sorry xxx

  • Mummy Matters

    A beautiful post, as they say time is a healer and so I hope that each day brings your heart less pain x

  • Jennie

    It is funny the things we go through that make us stronger. Beautiful post x

  • mummy@bodfortea

    You are so right. What doesn’t kill us, makes us stronger. Beautiful post, thanks for sharing x

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